Hire Bob Green

This was an article written by Rick Reilly for ESPN.com.  It made me smile a lot, so I decided to repost it.  Hope you like it, and thanks for reading Dustin Dominiak

He's the best quote in college football. And after 24 years at Montana Tech in Butte, Mont., Bob Green is out of a job.

He went 140-116-1 at Montana Tech and his team played for the national championship in 1996, but that's not why you hire him. You hire him because his press conferences are so funny you don't care when you lose. He's Bum Phillips reincarnated; Will Rogers with a whistle around his neck.

Just a few Greenisms from over the years:

• "I'm a perfectionist. I expect Jennifer Lopez to know how to cook."

• "I told [my defensive players] they've got to stick like a Toyota gas pedal."

• "It was an outstanding scrimmage. There were plays on offense, there were plays on defense. It's kind of like going to the Golden Corral buffet. It's all good and there's a lot of it."

• "We had an interception chance, and we caught the ball. An interception chance is like a date with the homecoming queen -- close the deal. Don't waste an opportunity."

• After a big win ... "I feel like I just had a Viagra cocktail with a Cialis chaser."

• "They're gonna be very good. They're rougher than a pine cone toilet seat."

• "The younger guys are a little bit lost. Kinda like chinese arithmetic."

• "I really feel like our team is ready to go hit individuals from another institution of higher learning."

• "It's like you're trying to sell bubble gum in a lockjaw ward. You just can't get much done."

• "We gotta be like a homely girl on her honeymoon. Busy, busy, busy."

• "I hate to sound like an old coach but I am an old coach. I was coaching when the Dead Sea was only sick."

• "When I first started coaching, Christ was a kid."

• "I'm not a big Yankee fan. It's kinda like living in ancient Rome and rootin' for the lions."

• "We're like the kid that plays second french horn in the school band. We gotta play better."

• After a close loss ... "It's kinda like watching your mother in law go off a cliff in your brand new Cadillac. You got mixed feelings.”

• "We're kinda like a woodpecker in a petrified forest. We just keep busy."

• "I got a short memory, just like when I was in the third grade. Two of the best years of my life."

• "I don't like bottled water. I like that Butte water. You can eat and drink at the same time."

• "The game is going to come down to playing football. We've got to play football. We're not trying to split the atom."

• "We want to play a full 60 minutes. One thing is for sure, the game will last at least 60 minutes."

• "There were some long faces and there were some lower lips sticking out. But we did not call the undertaker and tell him to order a 50-gallon drum of embalming fluid."

• "We played two games that were very winnable. Unfortunately, they were very losable."

• After a tough loss... "I told them the sun was going to come up. My wife didn't file divorce papers. I didn't have a heart attack. My dog knew me when I came home."

• "It's not being disappointed that counts, it's whether you stay disappointed."

• "We were lower than a snake's vest button."

• "The way I describe him is he looks like Jane but plays like Tarzan."

• "The last two weeks we really dug ourselves a hole. That's not the ideal road map."

• "It's been very tough on them. But the road to success passes through the town of Adversity. I hope we've got Adversity in the rear-view mirror. I hope we're at the city limits."

• After Alex Grevas caught a game-winning TD pass ... "I'd like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Grevas for conceiving Alex."

• "It was a team effort. Everybody contributed with poor play."

• “What a difference a week makes. This week I feel like a football coach. Last week I felt like Britney Spears’ choreographer.”

• “We’ve got to play like we’re on a hot stove. Your feet aren’t going to stay in one place very long.”

• “If you ain’t burning up for this one, your wood’s wet."

• "The season's a lot like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes."

• On retiring ... "You can be the guy who stayed at the party too long. I don't want to be that guy."

(With thanks to mtstandard.com)

Texts from last night

There is an interesting website that's been around for a few years now called textsfromlastnight.com.  It's a funny website where people can submit text messages that they either sent or received at some point in time.  Some of the texts are so outlandish that it makes you wonder how that website can get away with having it displayed.  None the less, I am a devout follower, and visit the site every day.  I always have 2 fresh pages of texts to read each morning, and they always bring a smile to my face.
However, some of the messages are also disturbing.  They are constantly boasting about the alcoholism, drug abuse or sexual exploits from the night before.  Not that I don't find them interesting, I just think that the people who post them have some sort of emotional unbalance.  Of course they are submitted anonymously, and only give the persons area code from which it was posted.  You can even look to see which area code is the most active, and surprisingly it isn't one of the top 10 largest media cities.  It's 248 in Michigan.  Either the people in the 248 have way to much time on there hands to post these hilarious texts, or it is one of the most scandalous area's in this country.  Virginia, Colorado and Connecticut round out the top 5. 
I'm curious though as to how many of these texts are true.  While my teenage and early 20 years were fun, I don't recall doing some of the things that are portrayed in these texts.  Some of the people receiving these texts have to be the luckiest people in the world.  But, as much as I have my reservations about the actualness of these texts, I'll keep reading them because even on my worst days they make me smile.

Thanks for reading,
Dustin Dominiak

Most Wonderful or most Stressful time of year?

It's that time of year.  Some consider it to be the most wonderful time of the year, like the song, and others would say it's more stressful than enjoyable.  I think it's a combination of the two.  The preparation that goes into the holidays can be extremely stressful, but getting to spend time with the people you care about the most also makes it the most wonderful time of the year. 
With any holiday comes a large to do list.  First you need to figure out where you will spend your time, and with whom.  From there you move onto what you need to bring, and who you'll be shopping for.  After you have the list of people that you want to buy for, you're stuck trying to figure out what to get them.  For me, this task seems to get harder and harder each year.  It must really depend on the amount of time you get to spend with the people that you're going to buy for.  My list is pretty consistent from year to year, but I don't get to see the people on my list very often, as I live hundreds of miles away, and I'm usually in the blue as to what to get them.  I'm stuck battling the traffic heading to the same shopping complexes that I am, and wandering around the mall or department store looking at potential gifts.  It is far from my ideal way of spending my time.
All of that changes though on the day I land at the airport and my family is there to pick me up.  Knowing that I get to spend an extended period of time with the people that I care about the most does make it the most wonderful time of the year.  Being with family and friends without having to worry about work for a few days has a calming affect on me.  Seeing the looks of joy on my younger cousins faces when I got them the perfect gift is priceless.  I can only imagine how much better that feeling would be when it's your own kids and not just your cousins. 
I didn't always feel this way though.  When I was younger spending time with the family was more like a chore than a cherished occasion.  It wasn't until I moved the hundreds of miles away, and saw them less sparingly that I was able to cherish the time I got to spend with them.  I guess the old saying is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder.  So as you prepare for the upcoming holidays don't fret the small stuff, and don't let the burden of preparations make this a less enjoyable time of year.  Obviously you're going through the stressful time because you care about the people receiving your gifts, so let's not forget that after all it's only once a year.

Thanks for reading,
Dustin Dominiak